Raising a child is a very difficult, responsible, and often exhausting job. Many parents believe that children should listen to them, whereas their upbringing is a process based on mutual communication, and also the quality of this communication. People often think that the ability to communicate means to convey what we want to say efficiently and clearly. However, it is worth remembering that communication is exchange, connection, and mutual conversation. Only the mutual, bilateral transfer of information is the basis for agreement, i.e. mutual understanding of what we want to convey to each other.
The most appropriate attitude of parents towards their children is to accept and show love. Acceptance is parental consent for a child as it is, whether or not it meets the parents’ expectations. We often make mistakes in the upbringing process, and we are filled with helplessness, anxiety, and a lack of faith in our own abilities. We live under a lot of pressure, we are afraid of how others will judge us, and what is more, we do not want to lose authority in the eyes of our child. However, there are no perfect parents, just as there are no perfect children. The key to proper communication with your children is to accept their feelings. It is only when your children are feeling good that they can think well. And if they are well, they may perform well.
Negative forms of communicating with a child involve accusations, lecturing, over helping, and criticizing. Such behavior, instead of prompting obedience and establishing contact with your child, arouses opposition and creates distance from the parent. Sometimes the mere presence of one parent, a friendly smile, and a tender gesture are enough for a child to relieve tension and help solve a problem. The parent does not always realize that it is really enough to just sit next to their child, accept his or her feelings, and remain silent together. Very often children find their own idea to solve a problem, whereas parents help their children the most by accepting their feelings at that moment. The most important thing in being able to communicate properly with your children is to accept their feelings. This is where you should start. Children’s feelings are different from those of adults, but it is an adult who should be able to accept them. This is because every child, regardless of gender, appearance, and age, needs their feelings to be accepted and appreciated.
Accepting a child’s feelings:
REASON FOR KEY POINT
1. Listen to your child very carefully
1. Focusing your full attention to the conversation with your child
2. Making eye contact with your child
3. Keeping an open body posture
Only full concentration will allow you to understand the situation the child is experiencing
The child feels noticed and safe thanks to eye contact
It provides the child with the willingness to talk together and the opportunity to understand
2. Accept feelings with the words: Oh… hmm …… I understand…
Do not lecture
Do not advise
Do not deny
Do not ask
Just listen and nod
Instructing makes the child feel judged and very often causes him or her to refuse to continue the conversation
The child does not expect advice, and will often treat good advice with hostility despite good intentions
Denying feelings causes your child to lack faith in his or her feelings, and to have lower self-esteem
Questions make the child feel checked and cornered
A simple nod, or the word “ok”, makes the child feel at ease and more able to tell us a lot more information
3. Identify feelings, e.g. it is frustrating
Name any feelings the child may be experiencing
Affirm the validity of the feelings
Children very often cannot name their feelings, and this causes additional frustration
Confirming feelings gives the child strength and faith that they have the right to feel what they feel. (All the feelings of the child are acceptable, we may not accept the bad behavior and such behavior should be limited)
Turn the child’s desires into fantasy
Do not explain or justify the child’s feelings
Satisfy the child’s needs through imaginations and dreams
Excessive explanations and justifications make the child feel judged.
Very often imagining an unreal situation, often in a humorous way, helps the child to meet his needs and come to terms with the situation
Negative forms of communicating with a child involve accusations, lecturing, over helping, and criticizing. Such behavior, instead of prompting obedience and establishing contact with the child, arouses opposition and creates distance from the parent. Sometimes the mere presence of one parent, a friendly smile, and a tender gesture are enough for a child to relieve tension and help solve the problem. The parent does not always realize that it is really enough to just sit next to the child, accept their feelings, and remain silent together. Children very often find their own idea to solve problems, whereas parents help their children the most by accepting their feelings at that moment.
INSTEAD OF HALF- LISTENING – LISTEN WITH FULL ATTENTION
It can be discouraging to try to get through to someone who gives only lip service to listening. It’s much easier to tell your troubles to a parent who is really listening. He doesn’t even have to say anything. Sympathetic silence is often all a child needs.
I am Assistant Professor at Wroclaw University of Science and Technology and Vice President of the Board at LeanTrix. Responsible for the development of the TWI program and Lean Management methods for the construction industry. Deals with the use of 5S and Kaizen methods in the organization of construction works in order to improve and ensure occupational safety. Defended her PhD thesis in the construction discipline at Wroclaw University of Science and Technology. The author of several articles in English devoted to the use of Lean Management and TWI methods in the field of the construction industry. Has advised many companies regarding Lean Management.
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